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relationship advice

Signs of a healthy relationship

Resolving conflict

Managing conflict in a relationship 

An important skill in having a stable long-term relationship is the ability to resolve conflict effectively.

People in successful relationships learn how to recognize and manage each other's different emotional states. They know when to back off, they know how to recover things before they get out of control and they forgive each other quickly.

The indicators of poor conflict resolution skills are the partners escalating arguments, lashing out, letting disagreements continue for days or refusing to talk to each other afterwards.

Watch this video by Michele Weiner-Davis where she talks about how to stop fighting.


Humor, Affection and Respect

Here are some things that you can try to ensure that you handle conflict and disagreements effectively:

Recognize that you can thrash out differences and disagreements without harming the relationship.

Show humor, affection, and respect for each other when you disagree.

Let your partner know that you understand their worries and concerns.

Stop arguments escalating by consciously avoiding the "Four Horseman of the Apocalypse" behaviors--criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling.

Don't continually sidestep differences, problems, and conflict as this leads to emotional distance.

Watch this video by John Gottman where he gives 3 tips on the right way to fight.